Sue: Afraid of Commitment
This is the first in a series of case files of “clients” who experience the phases of transformation, and how I helped them from the darkness to the light. Ultimately, they found self-awareness through working with me and my techniques.
The Desire for Commitment
When you no longer tolerate the direction your life is taking, the prospect of change becomes an alluring distraction. Daydreams tantalize you with pleasant images of your future, holding whispers of happiness just out of reach. You recognize the defeated feeling in your chest when you notice your current reality is nowhere near the glimmering life you dream of.
Many women have an overwhelming feeling to seek a life differently than they have so far. I want to take this time to share my insights about my client “Sue” who experienced such feelings, and ultimately, brought her great pain.
"I want to move forward in my relationships but they crash every time I'm in one, I don’t know what to do any more to fix it. What’s wrong with me?"
Sue sought me out to gain relief from the pain of having multiple failed serious relationships and the hopelessness she felt towards ever having a successful one. During our Discovery Session Sue explained the devastating feeling of having two serious relationships fail within a ten year period and the gripping fear when she imagined the loneliness she would face without a partner to share life with.
She was anxious, stressed and felt like she was truly failing at life because of her fear to commit to her relationships past a certain stage. Her desire was to have a committed relationship and family, but reality was constantly leaving her filled her with a heavy, consuming pain of loss.
Sorting the Past
Over the weeks of our sessions together, with probing questions, self reflection, and digging into the memories of Sue’s past, we uncovered the root where her adult pain stemmed from. Uncovering the difficult childhood of her parents’ divorce, her father’s withdrawal, and ultimately, Sues first memory; her mother’s unstable dating habits which eventually led to physical abuse.
We addressed her fears around commitment and defined the effects of her parents’ divorce as the fear of being hurt by someone she loved. Building strong boundaries, Sue shared her inability to stay in a physically abusive relationship, regardless of how much she loved the person, a clear end to a bad family pattern.
As a caring woman surrounded by loving long time friends, she explained she liked to have control in situations and positively impact her life and others. At this point it was obvious to me she did all she could to avoid painful experiences for herself and others.
The Safe Zone
Her ego used the avoidance of pain as a tactic to keep Sue in her "internal safe zone", since recognizing the fear would make the underlying pain surface and cause her further suffering.
We broke down the walls of her safe zone and the pain quickly surged through Sue, she had feelings of blame, shame and frustration. As the tears came, so did the root of Sue’s pain. She feared repeating the same relationship path as her mother. Uncovering the painful sadness behind Sue’s fear gave us the foundation we needed to bring her relief.
We were able to dive into the strengths of Sue’s character and rebuild her mental and emotional perspective of herself from the ground up.
Journey of Healing
On her Journey of Healing Sue came to acknowledge the past event causing her the most pain. She was able to sort through the internal confusion and express chaotic feelings, release stagnant and stored emotions layered throughout her life. She was able to reflect on the existence of pain and cleanse it through tears, emerging at the final stage of accepting she isn’t her mother and sparking her self-appreciation for being who she is.
Sue was able to clear away old emotions, negative thought patterns, ultimately limiting self beliefs, putting an end to the cycle of self sabotaging and bad habits. Through her dedication to heal her pains, she gained a new appreciation for her perseverance and found the power in facing herself head on.
The process of emerging from the clutches of the past is an uphill battle, but to rise from that painful place and ascend into the light is a relief unlike any other.
Commiting to One’s Self
The Journey of Creation that Sue is now on is one of self development, self love, compassion and patience. Feeling lighter without the burdens of her unresolved past, Sue is able to move on with her life and define who she would like to be and most importantly, feel the joy of self discovery.
Sue is just one example of the types of pain we all feel. The pain disallowing ourselves to move forward. When we commit to our self, we are able to overcome the pain, and eventually, put the past pains behind us and move forward.
If you are seeking a journey to find yourself, and become self-aware, contact me via this form, and I can help you emerge to your light.