Overcoming Fear of Change
The fear of change and how to overcome it.
In this blog I focus on Change and how our relationship with change determines the degree to which we struggle, or not, as life unfolds.
”Change is the only constant in life.”- Heraclitus, Greek philosopher
Lets begin with the question,
“What is my relationship to change?”
This is best answered by becoming aware of your past, how you grew up, and how you felt about the changes along the way. For the sake of ease, I’ll use my own story as the example of this concept.
In my life, like many others, change happened whether it was wanted or not.
My parents divorced and remarried, I moved to many new towns, apartments, and houses, switched schools, gained siblings and said goodbye to them, gained parents and watched them leave, lost friends and gained friends, and was exposed death and abuse frequently.
This is where my relationship with change was born.
A feeling of powerlessness was created through those events and ruled my reactions to future change. Not only did I feel powerless over the external changes happening, but also in my ability to change how I felt internally about it all.
This manifested into my personality, with no surprise, as a wound of resistance to any drastic change, since to me change meant impending loss and pain. The hooks of fear sunk deep into me in these years, but could be removed.
“How do I adjust my relationship with change?”
The subconscious mind stores your memories as reference material to better navigate future situations that appear similar to past ones. This constructs what is known as a Safety Mechanism with the sole purpose, you guessed it, of keeping you safe.
By becoming aware of safety mechanisms you can then work to identify what triggers them, whether it is a situation, feeling, sound, smell, etc, and reprogram the mechanism to work in your favor.
In this case, my subconscious mind took note of the events in my life and programmed my view of change to be seen through the lens “Change isn’t safe”.
The purpose of this subconscious lens was to keep me safe from pain, keeping my expectations low and there fore reducing the pain from experiencing crushed hopes and the like.
This is a subconscious safety mechanism in action.
Even positive change was a struggle to accept because, no matter how great things seemed, I always anticipated its ruin and waited for the other shoe to drop.
The pattern of subconscious programming, though created with good intentions, brought a great deal of misery leaving behind feelings of powerlessness, anxiety, overwhelm, and a disconnect from experiencing joy, happiness, and security.
The pattern of fear stopped me from living life in a healthy way, created bouts of depression, anxiety and panic attacks but also lead me to redefine my relationship with fear and change. I was tired of feeling and living that way.
Being honest with myself, about being fed up with the way I was living and feeling, inspired a deep desire to surrender and seek out what I feared most; Change!
So, the next question is,
“how do I change My life when change is the very thing I fear and deeply desire?”
The change you desire most, the kind you day dream and fantasize about, only comes when you’re ready to do the work. I mean really, really, ready.
When you’re open to surrender and listen to what the repressed things inside you have to say, and take the fruitful medicine they offer. When you’re willing to feel your way through the sadness, heartache, pain, regret, anger, fear, etc. in order to let it go, and say goodbye to the stories of your past, for good, is when everything drastically changes.
You won’t be worried about losing the past. You’ll be more concerned with who you’re becoming, the future you’re creating and the amazing feelings you’re calling in. This marks the beginning of choosing to change your life and renew your relationship with change.
“The moment you decide to focus on writing a new story, is the very moment the old story falls away.” - Tia Russo
Letting go of what was, is simultaneously choosing what’s next.
Releasing your grip on the past is how you grab hold of your dreams.
“What does that work do for me and look like?”
Re-framing your perspective from “Change happens to me” to “Change is a choice I make for myself” is the beginning.
Change doesn’t need to mean something bad is coming, it can be glorious and filled with joy. Change can be planned, rehearsed, even worked towards with excitement and ravenous hunger!
Change can mean leaving what is scary and unpredictable for the creation of safety and stability. It can look like creating a joyful, secure, supportive environment for yourself. It can be a welcome home party to they way you always knew you wanted to feel!
Change can be something you actually want and look forward to with open arms. Or it could be the secret you keep just for yourself. Private or loud, big or small, it’s all about what you want and how you want to feel!
Joyous, new, exciting, fresh, full, invigorating!
It doesn’t have to happen TO you, you can choose to create change as a Gift for yourself and feel powerful, even in the face of a powerless moment.
You just need to be willing to say Yes to it. The more you practice saying yes to change, utilizing the opportunities to re-frame your perspective and relationship with change as they arise, the further you’'ll walk away from feelings of fear!
One decision. One feeling. One opportunity. One step. At a time.
Growth at your own pace, to create inner peace and a trusting relationship with yourself where you feel assured you can navigate any change that comes your way.
So, tell me, Will you rewrite your story? Will you write yourself brighter and into a better story outline? Will you proudly publish it to the world? Write a story you want to fall in love with.
One day, one moment, one change at a time!
Inspiring Transformation through Shadow Work, Self Love, and Earth Based Spirituality. Tiarusso.com
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